$1 Shot in dark - $1 (Austin)

Posted on: 12/09/17

Description

$1

It is almost one in the morning. I am exhausted but have decided to give this a try. I am in desperate need of a car. I grew up in the church and did everything "right" until I was date raped as a virgin at age 27. I have a beautiful little girl, Annie, that I wouldn't trade for the world even if I had to go through it again. When Annie was 3 months old my therapist at my church hung himself. At that point, having dealt with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder and chronic pain before Annie I threw in the towel and began drinking and became a full blown alcoholic. My parents kept Annie while I tried to make it on my own but I could not. My mind was tormented, I was addicted, I was afraid. Then came years and years of trying to get sober and in and out of hospitals, treatment centers, sober homes etc. The worst part was that I adore my entire family and daughter and lost everything including my sanity at times. I have turned 38 and my daughter is now 9, and I sometimes wonder if she is an angel she is the loveliest person I've ever known. She knows I'm mama but I live in Austin and she in Dallas with my parents and I do not get to see her very often. I am completely dependent on my parents making it very rough because only my parents talk to me and they are angry and hurt over all I've put them through even if it wasn't purposely. It's heartbreaking becoming the exact opposite of the person you want to be. I miss them all so much including my aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews (some of whom I've never even met) I can't let myself think too much about it but my heart aches when I think of all of the precious days, birthdays, school days, school plays, recitals I have missed of my daughter and other members of my family. I have always longed, longed, longed to be well. It's never been "fun", just torment. I am recently seeing a good doctor finally as I'm dually diagnosed and feel a bit more hopeful. But I cannot get anywhere especially to and from a good job that I think I can get if I can get to one in order to break away as an adult, learn how to take care of myself, continue with AA and my sponsor, my doctor and trauma therapy. If I cannot get and keep a good job I will never make it back to Dallas where is where I want to be because my daughter and family is there. I am blessed that my parents take excellent care of her, that she somehow adores me and knows I'm mama, but wonders why I'm away and since my parents support me I have to be able to pay my way back to Dallas. I have a fairly ok resume I just cant get to the jobs that I'm called in about. I know this is a total shot in the dark and I hesitated because I didn't want to give a "poor me" story but it's been hard for a long time and I have a lot of obstacles to overcome, stay sober, get through trauma work, etc and not being able to get a good job is becoming so very discouraging there aren't words. Thanks for listening. If anyone can help my number is+18303533057

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Ad Number: 21020658